Remember how a few posts back I said I like to be candid?–Well, this is going to be one of those moments. I would say, for those of you who don’t want to read the following post, please skip it; however, those of you who read these posts I’ve generally sent you a personal link to it. Thus deeming that thought as nothing more than my dream of one day having a million readers. 😉
Anyway, on to the good stuff.
I’ve talked a lot recently about how God has been working in my life and he really REALLY has. What started as a HORRIBLE day when I walked out of the last of my two summer jobs, has turned into the biggest blessing God has given me: TIME TO SPEND WITH HIM. I have had so much time to spend in his word, to spend contemplating who He is, learning various Bible Stories and their historical/ spiritual significance. I’ve spent time thinking and praying about what He wants for my life. At the very start of this whole thing I had to take time to relearn how to pray.
GUYS-this thing doesn’t happen over night. It starts with obedience–which is a little gem of information that my sister Bethany gave to me a couple weeks ago and she was SO RIGHT–and then it slowly grows and transforms into this beautiful relationship. IT’S NOT EASY. Let me repeat that so I don’t mislead anyone (again I’m talking to my invisible million readers) IT. IS. NOT. EASY. It becomes something that you enjoy. It becomes something that you crave. It becomes something that is second nature to you. However, human nature is just one that likes to take charge and figure things out on their own, and it is so easy to forget that you are to listen and wait and think and TRUST that God has something for you.
Any beyond all of that, the deeper you get in Christ, the more he’s like “Hey, give me this sin. Hey, I actually think your life would be more abundant if you decided to let me take care of this. Hmmm, my daughter, I know you are justifying and holding on to this, but I’d like to have that and give you something more.” And guess what?!–THAT ISN’T EASY EITHER!! It becomes easier, but it’s hard to admit to yourself and then to a Holy God that you aren’t perfect…AS IF HE’S SHOCKED! Really, I think it’s more difficult to admit to ourselves that we have failed. No one likes failure.
All of my life I have struggled with the thought of failure. I’ve spent a lot of time being the fixer, the comforter, the answer-giver, the oldest. So, admitting that I don’t have it all figured out is contrary to everything I have lived up until now.
Relationships have always been something I’ve craved. I want to be wanted, I want to be needed, I want to be accepted, I want to feel loved. (Who doesn’t?!) However, a lot of times I have filled this void with incredibly unhealthy things. In my current relationship, Roman and I have really started to dig deeper (or dial in as Pastor John likes to say) into this thing called life, what it means for us, and then how God intended us to live it. With that being said, that has meant some pretty serious changes in our relationship. It’s started with small things–going to church, having spiritual conversations, buying devotionals, asking each other questions about what we want the future to look like and now the BIGGEST change so far, NO. MORE. SEX. (I’m not even going to pretend like that didn’t hurt a little to write.)
God has been speaking to both of us for the past few weeks. Every Sunday we would leave church, I would feel incredibly guilty because of the church I grew up in (I already KNEW the rules!!), Roman would feel confused. He knew what he rule was. He knew what his parents taught him, but still… “I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong. I love you.” And to be honest, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong either, but things happen over time that shift your belief patterns. Premarital sex is written about in the Bible pretty plainly. There isn’t a lot of leeway given. As God continues to work in your life, you begin to start believing.
Like I said before about this not being easy, IT IS NOT EASY. God created us as sexual beings. Period. We are programmed to want sex. And like everything else in this journey, it starts as obedience and then becomes about a relationship. Glory. Love. Reverence.
Roman and I aren’t “super-Christians”, we don’t have this whole thing figured out, but what we do have is a growing relationship with our God. I spent so much time as a teenager giving all of my time to “avoiding this sin or that sin”. What I have come to learn is that by spending your time with Christ, again it starts with obedience, things begin to fall into place. It’s not perfect. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to redirect my thoughts, or force myself to keep reading or doing what I was doing, but the longer I’ve given myself up to God, the more it becomes a joy to see what he’s going to give to me next. It becomes about having a meaningful relationship with Him and the sin part just falls into place. **This doesn’t mean we never again sin!! It just means your mind begins to change, your heart begins to change and things that you NEVER thought you could accomplish being happening just because you stepped out in obedience, which turned into faith, and then turned into a meaningful relationship with Christ.
So, here’s to a sex-free relationship. One that honors God.
P.S.- I always like to include a funny…and I HAVE to include this one. When we started talking about our “new found celibacy”, Roman and I were taking a walk together. He looked over at me and said “I’m going to start raising my hands in church, and you’re going to do it with me so I don’t feel alone.” I chuckled a little bit and said, “Ok, honey.” He continued by saying, “I mean, if I’m giving up the best parts of life, I am SURE gonna get the full affects of Jesus by raising my hands.” –I laughed so hard, I almost peed.
So really, here’s to raising our hands, getting the full affect of Jesus and living with a pure heart.