Desert, dry, cotton-mouth, hardened, cracked.
This is the vision I got this morning as I was reading in Psalms. We are called to bear fruit, but fruit doesn’t grow in the desert. Fruit doesn’t grow out of the dried up cracks of the earth.
I’ve become Soul-Parched and it’s time that I get my rear-end in gear and start watering my soul!
As I was reading there were several scriptures that spoke to me. This time in my life is one of peace, happiness and joy, but there are always uncertainties of the future. When I first started this blog, the time in my life was the worst adversity I have ever had to face. It seems that I have forgotten the God who brought me through trialling times. How? How do I forget such a magnificent God when I am reading verses like, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”? It’s mind boggling when I realize that I’ve gotten “too busy” for God. I’m too busy for the creator of the universe? For the God who KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER’S WOMB?! Oh no. No you are not.
This morning God gently reminded me who is in control. As graduate school has ended and I spend my days thinking, searching and applying for jobs, a bit of anxiety creeps in. What if I don’t find a job for next year? Why hasn’t this school called me back? How will I pay my bills if I don’t have a full-time position? Maybe I should open a daycare/preschool and work from home. No. I need to find a job because I’ve worked so hard for this Master’s degree.
I am thankful this morning. Thankful for a God who wants me and loves me. Thankful for a God who recognizes my spirit starting to stir and instead of leaving me in my Soul-Parched state to wander in the desert, he calls to me. Psalm 138:8 The Lord will fulfill is purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever–do not abandon the works of your hands. He is the almighty comforter. The defender of the weak. The uplifter of the downtrodden. The calmer of anxious spirits. The assurance in the unknown. He is unwavering, unchanging, never-ending. He is the beginning and the end. He goes before me and behind me. There is nowhere I can hide from him. (AND I’M SO GLAD!)
I may have allowed my soul to become parched, but God calls to his children. I’ve been feeling him calling me back to him. WHO DOES THAT?! There is not a single other person who would call to me after I’ve walked away time after time after time. Abandonment is a fear I’ve had to battle all of my adult life. God calling to me this week talks to the deepest parts of my soul. My readings this morning have brought hope.
So, as I ease back into my writing I know I am Soul-Parched. It’s more difficult to write than it was last year. I know God is speaking to me. I know he wants me to hear his voice. I know there is something big ahead. I can feel it in my spirit. So, I will obey. I’m turning this Soul-Parched soul into grassy field filled with wild flowers. Only by the grace of a God who loves his children unconditionally.
This is my prayer for this week. Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting.”
I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.