I Confess

Adventures in crazy. Legitimately I think at some point I’m going to have to realize that I am part of the problem. The Boss would be proud of me, I am about to confess some “unconfessed” (NOT A WORD) sin in my life.

I can take responsibility for my issues:

1. I don’t like to be told what to do, ESPECIALLY when I feel like, or have predetermined that the person telling me what to do is somehow less educated or less intelligent than I am. Perhaps this is a common thing among humans, or maybe I am a self righteous disgusting human being. I’m not sure, but what I do know is that this is a truth about me.

2. When things get stressful I am quick to freak out, cause myself way more anxiety than necessary and quit.

3. I let issues go unresolved, bottle several things up and then, generally it takes one thing (related or unrelated) to shove me over the edge.

I have a kind spirit, I am easily approachable and I am very quick to accept people for exactly how they are. I believe this makes me a target. I am taken advantage of, I am misinterpreted for being overly easy going. I really don’t know what to make of it, but what I do know is that today everything came to a head.

I received a text message from The Boss stating that she would be late. If you know me or have happened to read through the last several posts I’ve made,¬†you’ll know this isn’t out of the ordinary.¬†I responded to her message saying that I would be at the office when she got there. When I show up to work another co-worker informs me that she has a message from The Boss. She is going to be VERY late, and the materials that I need to complete my job aren’t in the office. She continues with,¬†“So you have two choices: work with me on the floor, or leave and make up your hours another day.” My job isn’t in the store. I’ve never worked in the store. I didn’t take the job to work in the store. More to the point–IT SHOULDN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN BECAUSE MY BOSS SHOULD BE AT WORK. Period.


She had already messaged me. Why not tell me how late she was going to be? Either way…remember earlier when I mentioned I let things bottle up and then it takes a small issue to send me right over the deep end, well HERE IT IS. I told my coworker I would make up my hours. I drove to the temp agency (I should have mentioned before that this job was one that was provided through a temp agency because I only need¬† part time job through the summer until graduate school and full-time teaching happen) to get advice about my incompetent supervisor.¬† I was advised to talk to her personally to work out the matter.

I determined that I would go back to work and try to make it through. I pull into the store at noon and her vehicle still isn’t there. I wait a few minutes and then I call her directly. I let her know I’ve been waiting on her for over an hour, to which her response (I can NOT make this stuff up!) is “Well EXCUUUSEEE me!” I was literally shocked–for a few reasons–TO START, she is a GROWN WOMAN!! A GROWN ADULT WOMAN. I literally called to make peace and come to an understanding and was met with animosity, ignorance and unprofessionalism. (Which is her MO, so I don’t know why I’m so shocked.) I explained to her calmly that I wasn’t being rude, meanwhile she is yelling over top of me “THINGS COME UP!… YOU HAVE NO IDEA!… EXCUSE ME FOR BEING AN HOUR LATE!… YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE UP THOSE HOURS!…..” My response was as it was before, calm and collected. I tried to explain to her that, indeed, I did need to make up those hours. I tried to reason with her and ask about working a shift a different day, because of the time wasted (an hour and a half at this point) today. She was still yelling incoherently “I HAD TO WORK 18 HOURS ON SATURDAY (Hello! This is Monday!!) YOU JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.” I’m still calmly in the background saying “I’m confused why you are talking to me this way. I’m not being rude to you at all. I simply told you that I’ve been waiting for over an hour….” CLICK

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….Someone PLEASE explain to me what just happened.

The Over-zealous, scripture slinging, judgment passing, sin admonishing, don’t-want-to-lose-my-Christian-witness-so-I-better-walk-away, Boss¬†HUNG UP ON ME.

Lemme just tell you…She done LOST her Christian witness today, buddy. DONE. LOST. IT. (She lost it a long time ago, but she’s just confused.) She’s also well on her way to losing her ever-loving mind, but hey, one issue at a time.

Either way, I go back to the temp agency (in tears) feeling ridiculous, to explain to the women the outcome of “talking to her calmly about the issues at hand”. I explain to them the issues I’ve had not just today, but all summer. This is where things get funny. The woman behind the desk literally removed¬†sticky note from her desk drawer and picked up her pen¬†as she said “I’m sorry, she said what?!”

I repeated my previous statement¬†with¬†the driest cynicism I could muster. “She told me that her business is failing because her workers have unconfessed¬† sin in their lives and that is why God isn’t blessing her business.” I followed up the sentence with an eye roll so dramatic that I caused an earth quake and¬†a¬†face I imagined looked something like this:


I wish you could have seen the look¬†the lady’s face. Her exact words were “Oh my ‘Lantis” and she scribbled down what I had said. She kept saying “I am just blown away. I just don’t even have words. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

So, here I sit, jobless. Conflicted over being a quitter and literally feeling entirely justified.

All I know is this:

THE. WORST.JOB. EVER. ended today. And,¬†In the words of The (ex)¬†Boss—–AMEN.


Playing Catch Up

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write my thoughts and other various ridiculousness for a few days, but I’ve always had someone in my space. It’s not a bad thing by any means, I enjoy company–most of the time I crave companionship–but I find it’s a lot easier to be candid when I don’t have someone reading over my shoulder.

Last week The Boss had a conversation with me about admonishing another person’s sin and how it’s an act of love. I challenged her asking if it was really an act of love if we did it in such a way that was condemning, to which her response (in a mocking tone 2 octaves higher than her normal voice)¬†was “people who say don’t judge me, only God can judge me… are really just people who are sinning and don’t want to be called out.” She proceeded to lecture me on the importance of judgment insisting that I realize that without properly judging others’ behavior we won’t know the difference between right and wrong. She is thoroughly exhausting. I spend most of the hours in her presence with my head down giving an occasional “Mmm, Yeah-Uh-huh, You don’t say, Wow” when she takes a breath between rants. I got lucky enough to only have one of these conversations last week, she was rather busy doing other things and I was incredibly thankful for my time alone with porcelain bears, vintage ice cream scoops and my contemporary Christian Pandora station. Can I get an AMEN?!

Also on Thursday(July¬†17th to be exact) I had the privilege of celebrating Roman’s 25th Birthday with¬†him and his family. Lately I’ve been feeling particularly thankful for our relationship. A lot of things have¬†happened in the short¬†time that we’ve been together and we’ve grown as¬†individuals and as a couple exponentially. He challenges my mind, he makes me laugh until I snort (EMBARASSING), he encourages my faith and he¬†supports my endeavors. He is also that portal to “all things nerdy”, which has been an interesting journey. In honor of his 25th birthday and his love¬†of nerdy things big and small, I threw him an intimate Lord of the¬†Rings Party.¬†I literally watched a lone, salty¬†tear run down his cheek as he admired the d√©cor. (Ok, this part is fictional, but in my mind I envisioned it happening¬†just like that–one single tear, enough¬†to show complete admiration and still keep his manhood.)

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Happy 25th Birthday, honey!!

Happy 25th Birthday, honey!!

Last week was also the annual Church of God Church Camp, aka Warsaw. I grew up there, I learned a lot there, I made lasting friendships there, and I’ve also avoided there like the black plague. This week did not let me down in the drama department: various gossip, affairs with pastor’s wives, and church politics that could make you vomit. However, in the 3 visits that I made, I heard 2 really great sermons, I visited with lifetime friends and I watched my baby sister be baptized. There really isn’t anything greater than my sisters and watching the youngest of us be baptized made me feel all sorts of wonderful things! ūüôā

Those seem to be the highlights of last week, The Boss, Love’s Birthday and Church camp drama and excitement. Here’s hoping this week has just as many exciting adventures. ūüôā


Welfare, Sin and “The Gays”…Oh my!

Yesterday was a down right bad day. I’d say my grumpy dial just got cranked all the way to 100 and I was like a speeding train of rage.

It took me awhile to process what EXACTLY about yesterday that upset me–The long drawn out conversation about how humas¬†have perverted God’s law? Perhaps the conversation about Christians not attending church because they have “unconfessed” (which isn’t even a REAL WORD!)¬†sin in their lives and they can’t bear to hear what God has to say to them through the sermon? Maybe it was the rant about “the Gays”? Or the rant about Welfare? Suppose it was the conversation about “It’s my duty as a sister in Christ to tell you when you’ve sinned and done wrong”?–any of the conversations that happened yesterday absolutely had the potential to shove me over the edge.

And of course, YOU can guess who the facilitator of these conversations was. That’s right, none other than the bible-toting, sin-slaying, high-horse-riding, ain’t-got-no-time-for-the-gays, welfare-is-of-the-devil-BOSS.

I will just walk you through the first 30 minutes of my day. The Boss comes in flustered as always, because her life is always so much worse than everyone else’s around her, gossiping¬†about the other workers and how useless they are. “I mean Marti, what am I supposed to do?! I left them a list of things to complete, I come in today and the list is still sitting there and the back room is a mess.” At this particular point in the discussion I wanted to inform her that as¬†a boss, perhaps showing up to work AN HOUR late isn’t the best example for her employees. This has happened to me on several occasions. I will be scheduled to work, I show up right on the dot, she’s always 10-15 minutes behind me. One particular day she was AN HOUR late. I legitimately sat and stared at the hoard surrounding me questioning my own sanity for ever accepting this job. Instead, I say nothing to her. It’s actually getting to the point now where I am having a difficult time keeping my facial expressions to myself. Facial expressions¬†that¬†BLATANTLY¬†say “I legitimately think you are the most self-righteous, gossipy, backstabbing human on the planet”.

This isn’t a good thing. I better get these facial expressions under control before I literally kill her with my glares of disdain.

Anyway, this gossiping mess continued for about 15 minutes and then directly¬†segued¬†into her arthritis, her sleep apnea, her sugar issues, her aching head, her¬†achiles¬†heel, her bleeding ulcers, her inability to lift anything over 25lbs (but she does it anyway, because every worker she has is “lazy”), her weight gain, her exhaustion, this list continued with various back stories for the next 20 minutes.

THEN we went straight into the gays. I was selling items from an estate sale where a woman collected AIDS awareness memorabilia¬†of one kind or another. There were several pins all adorned with various jewels, red leather with pretty felt edges, a red pen bought from Tiffany & Co., small sterling¬†silver ribbons, a sterling silver band-aid with an adorable little heart…AND THEN (cue the ominous music) the Satan¬†pin!! Boss lady immediately FLIPS and goes into a rant: “I REFUSE to sell something that¬†represents the perversion of God’s promises. Humankind has literally taken God’s promises and PERVERTED them for our own sinful cravings.” As she’s speaking she is vigorously digging through a box for her evidence as if this is a court room and she has to present evidence to the jury. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, exhibit number one: THE GAY PIN.

She proceeds to explain to me that she does NOT support gay rights in anyway and us selling this pin would tarnish our name as a business. I didn’t tell her that what is really tarnishing her business is her inability to run her store with any sort of organizational stamina, or professional behavior.

As she continued to rant, I¬†just looked down at the pile of all of the other junk laying on the desk. She continued to run at the mouth as¬†she safely put the pin back into the box and left the building to run errands. I took this as a PERFECT opportunity to sneak over to the box with all of the other AIDS items and take¬†a picture of the Gay Pin in all of it’s sinful glory. I felt like a double agent, slowly creeping out from behind my desk, tip-toeing over to the other side of the room to remove the box from where it sat gently placed out of sight. I lifted the lid on the cardboard box, I¬†swiftly sifted through all of the pins in their plastic wrappers and finally, there, wedged between one bejeweled AIDS pin and the bottom of the box, was the Gay Pin in all of it’s sinful glory. My mission was complete. I quickly snapped a picture, so that I could accurately mock her later and after gently placing everything back in it’s place, returned to my chair.

For your entertainment, and mine as I reread these posts….Please enjoy “The Gay Pin”

Isn't this the most sinful thing you've ever seen?!

Isn’t this the most sinful thing you’ve ever seen?!



Delightfully Disjointed

Disjointed- 1. Having the joints or connections separated.
2. disconnected; incoherent

Disjointed probably describes my life as an overall generality; however,¬†specifically my life has been rather disjointed the past few months. Take for example this week: On Saturday I woke up particularly distressed over my not-so-glamourous, part-time, minimum wage, jewelry¬†selling job. After enduring over¬†a month’s worth of criticism from a woman who is¬†the size of a small Cessna¬†plane, has the darkest tan you can manage with out ACTUALLY being black and wears so much gold jewelry you could melt her down at any time and get a gold bar–I decided that I had had enough.

Please realize, however, this not-so-glamourous¬†glamour job is not the only part-time¬†job I currently hold. (Excuse me. Held…since I¬†quit that jewelry job and ran so hard I could have won a gold medal.)¬†Oh no. I also spend approximately 18 hours a week in a room about the size of a cubical–with a geriatric¬†chihuahua who happens to have male pattern baldness–surrounded by other people’s donated junk so that I can take pictures of it, measure it and pray that I get money from it on ebay.¬†I’m sure you’re thinking, “This can’t be that horrible of a job…you make money to post things on the internet. You don’t have to deal with people, or nasty customers. You’re able to listen to your own music and sit down all day.”

Lemme jus stop you RIGHT there. I suppose I didn’t mention my overzealous, self-righteous, cross bearing, scripture quoting, bible toting, lemme hear an amen if there’s a christian in the house, boss, did I?

She is God’s gift to humanity as a whole and anything you can do, SHE can do better. Shoot, who is it that sings that song?–Don’t even worry about it, she can do it better.

I’d venture to say, my life is rather disjointed, but delightfully so.

So, there you have it. Delightfully Disjointed. I hope if you stumble on my little space in the internet, you find my stories insightful (or not, because some of them won’t be) and that you enjoy your stay while you’re here.