Grace at His Feet

GOD IS AWESOME.

There are sometimes just not words. Those three words aren’t adequate enough.  He’s more than awesome.  He’s incredible. He’s consistant. He’s undeniable.

For the past few days I’ve been singing the song “It’s All About You, Jesus.”  I’ve realized for about the past week I’ve lost focus. I start to hold on to “my” life tighter than I should.  I start to think I can control how my life is going to go.  This morning, I sat down to relax, not even intending to do devotions honestly.  As I was sitting on my couch, that song came to mind again.  I looked it up on youtube and just started to worship.  I was brought to a place of repentance. It wasn’t harsh.  It wasn’t demeaning.  It was a gentle reminder.

For so long I’ve struggled with failure (I still do).  I don’t like to make mistakes.  I don’t like to do things wrong.  I don’t like to be a “failure”.  I hide my mistakes.  I run from failure.  This pours into my spiritual life as well.  When I make mistakes I’m afraid to go to God.  I sometimes don’t know how to initiate conversation with Him.  I am so thankful for a God who speaks in the ways we are able to listen.  He used music to draw me into repentance. It wasn’t demeaning.  It wasn’t shame.  It. Was. So. Cool.

I started to hear these questions:

Who is this life about?

Who are you living for?

What are you bringing me when you worship?

I just worshiped and repented.  I asked that God search my heart.  I told him that He is what is important to me and that if there was anything in my life that he didn’t want me to have, I would chose him.  It’s a relief when I go back and give it all to him.  I feel my grip on life loosen.  I don’t HAVE to be in control.  I don’t HAVE to worry about every second of every day.  When it’s God’s choice, I’m able to relax.

As I continued to ask for forgiveness, I asked that the Holy Spirit speak to me.

Immediately God gave me a vision.

Jesus was sitting in front of me as I was knelt at his feet.  He reached down to me, put his hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead.  Then…you know what he did?! Just like he’s done for so many others that come to his feet, He said, “I love you.” (*CUE THE SOBBING*)  He’s gently reminding me.  “There is grace at my feet. Humble yourself. Meet me here.  I love you.  I’m always going to be here.  Come to my feet, Marti.  Let me love you, Marti. Let me kiss your fears away.”

He. Loves. Me. 

It’s not about me.  It’s all about Him. It’s all about Jesus.

I’m glad he brought me to his feet this morning. ❤

All This Talk About Agape

agape

[ah-gah-pey, ah-guh-pey, aguh-]
noun, plural agapae
1.the love of God or Christ for humankind.
2.the love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind.
3.unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love.
4.love feast (defs 1, 2).
(Thank you dictionary.com)
Photo from walk in love. http://shopwalkinlove.com/ Instagram: walkinlove

Photo from walk in love.
http://shopwalkinlove.com/
Instagram: walkinlove

There has been lots of talk about this word “agape”. I remember the first time I heard it a few weeks ago in service and I was thinking “Isn’t that a word from a Disney movie?” I don’t know that I had ever heard the word used to describe love within the Christian faith. Roman and I have turned it into a slight inside joke. Whenever we are struggling to show love to a person, we look at one another and say “agape”. Someone cut you off in traffic? Agape. Someone push your buttons in a college class? Agape. Booty-shorts at church? Agape. Angry customers on the job? Agape. But on a serious note, I’ve recently really been pondering the love of Jesus. What is all of this agape talk and how DEEP is the love of our God?

I was inspired after reading All Glory to The Highest’s blog post “Are You in Love?”. Can people tell I’m in love? Do people see it in my actions? Do friends read the way that I treat people and see Jesus and not Marti? Is my love so deep that it pours out of me and it isn’t even my choice?

My family has had a rough summer and I just spent last night telling my younger sister how much God loves her. How literally the CREATOR (go ahead and fathom THAT for a hot second!) of the UNIVERSE (Hi, yeah…chew that up for a minute and a half) knew each of us before we were ever in our mothers’ wombs. Before my parents, your parents, ANYONE’S parents even MET, God knew you. He knew what your name would be. He knew what you would look like.

.HE.

.KNEW.

.YOU.

Before he put the stars in the sky, before he morphed hundreds of thousands of galaxies with his own two hands, he knew us.

It’s sad that a love like that can be so easily tainted by life’s circumstances. A betrayal of a parent cuts so deep it leaves us, at times, too broken to trust our heavenly father. How sad. I’ve really been pouring my heart out to God and telling him how I struggle to connect with him on a father-daughter level, because I’ve never experienced that kind of relationship. He listens. He hears. He’s faithful. I am so thankful for a patient God. One who listens to my cries, deciphers my tears when I don’t have words and makes my heartaches a little more bearable.

He knew me. And I’m working everyday to know Him more and more.

Agape.